One of the first items you learn when you enter dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is, "There are only 4 possible solutions to any problem." You can change the situation, change your attitude, radically accept the situation for what it is, or do nothing and continue to suffer. It's simple, so clear cut and honest.
Here's the honesty: today was brutal for SO many reasons (that, fortunately for you, I'm not going into at the moment). I walked in the door late this afternoon with two kids screaming at each other while my mind and my body were also screaming at me. The emotional intensity and the quantity of thoughts racing created that storm inside me, that horrible storm that usually sends me into distress. Maybe the distress would have come and consumed me if it would have been given time, but instead a message came to help with the storm in my mind.
"Here's how you can wash away the storm. Once you've calmed down your daughters, lie down. Don't move, don't do anything strenuous. Just rest."
Though not completly, I did listen to the advice. I sat in the recliner for a solid 20 minutes, focusing on my breathing, not giving attention to my thoughts and just letting them come and go, picturing waves on the shore. It wasn't an instant cure, but it did allow the storm to settle and become just clouds looming over.
In that time, I remembered the simple fact that there are only 4 solutions to every problem. The causes of the storm today cannot be changed, nor can I continue to suffer. I may eventually come to control my attitude towards it and find the positive, but right now there's still just too much to be able to simply do that. So, we come to radical acceptance...
Radical acceptance is choosing to accept life on life's terms without resisting. It's saying yes to life just as it is, embracing the good and the bad, simply allowing it to be. Sometimes radical acceptance isn't a one-shot deal: sometimes it's something we must do repeatedly, choosing to embrace life as it is over and over again.
I didn't choose what is happening, and though I desperately want to blame myself, it really isn't my fault (or anyone else's). I just have to accept the situation, the future, the new reality of what life will look like for me and my family. I may have to accept this situation over and over for years, through more situations that are possibly coming for us down the road, for obstacles that will continue to present themselves forever more.
So, tonight, as my youngest daughter falls asleep in my lap while I type away, I choose to love, I choose to embrace, I choose to accept.
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