Fail.

As far back as I can remember, I have always made choices based on feelings.  I pick the clothes I wear each day based on how I feel or what I want to feel on that particular day.  I once chose to go to school instead of going to the mall with my mother and grandmother because, "It just doesn't feel right to skip school."  I married the love of my life while we were both in college and broke because being with him makes me feel amazing.  The list goes on and on...

It was in this same fashion that I chose my college major and future career.  I have always loved music and felt that teaching was "in my bones"...so why not be a music teacher?  I picked the best school my limited money could buy and worked hard.  Now, nearly 7 months after walking across the stage and shaking the university president's hand, I'm still unemployed.

Sure, I've applied for jobs...38 to be exact.  I have also had a fairly good number of interviews:  13.  Yet, month after month, job after job, I still find myself working a horrible retail job and expanding my search even wider.  I have applied for jobs in 4 states.  I have interviewed for jobs outside my focus area.  And.  Still.  I.  Have.  NOTHING.

People keep saying things like, "It has to be the right fit," or "The job market is tough right now, especially for teachers."  Regardless, I can't help but feeling that I have failed.  I have failed at making myself a worthy candidate; I have failed at really impressing someone.  Is it more than that, though?  Maybe, just maybe, I failed in my choice.  Maybe, just this once, making a choice based on feelings has left me in a horrible, expensive, nasty mess....and failure.