Amber Alert

I haven't been able to get the whole Elizabeth Thomas/Tad Cummins thing out of my brain. There's just so much to say on so many topics that correlate with it: I could spend the next several hours just writing continuously. I feel such a wide array of emotions and feel such a deep heartache for this poor missing girl. I also hate that situations like this tend to bring out the darkness of humanity and make me fearful for the future.

First, let's just discuss her and how this might have been prevented altogether. Why aren't we doing more to teach girls? We don't build their self-confidence with all the junk we constantly send at them with electronic advertisements, TV and movies, etc. We also don't ever spend enough time or energy into teaching teens about emotion. We know that the teenage years are crazy and filled with a whole fucking basket full of crazy emotions, some which are completely new and hard to understand...so why aren't we talking to girls about this? We don't talk about lust, depression, sex drive, desperation. We also don't do enough to help people understand different types of abuse and manipulation. Why wasn't a guidance counselor trying to work with this girl? Why wasn't someone checking on her (she had a tough home life...)? Why was this guy the only one mildly aware of things?!

Even if she had a perfectly nice, normal home life and a wonderful, supporting mother: this still could have happened. I remember being a middle school & high school student: it's not a fun time. Looking back, I had some teachers that I had a somewhat odd relationship with...but nothing ever like this. But it's nice to have someone to open up to that's not a peer or your mom. It's nice to feel like there's someone in the world who cares and will listen to those deep, dark, twisted things that you can't possibly share with a family member and that your friends don't really know how to help make the dark and twisty go away. So I had that teacher that I'd go to everyday after school, even after she wasn't my teacher anymore. I'd bare it all out on the table and the teacher would help, comfort, do something completely random to make me laugh. Then the teacher would complain about the master's level classes that were online and horrible or about how there's no possible way to find a decent significant other in a place like Fayetteville when one is educated and wanting a nice life.

It's a fine line we walk sometimes as teachers. I constantly work to make sure that all of my students feel loved: I say "Hello!" when I see them in the hallway or when they come to my room, I try to make them laugh at least once a day, I ask them if things are okay when they seem less than normal, I push them to do their very best and set big expectations because I want them to be the best they can be and feel successful. Yet I know there are boundaries. I make them clear. I do not ever cross them. I do not ever treat one student different than all the rest.

Next, I need to rant about the comments on Social Media. People have been posting and sharing like crazy in hopes that maybe, somewhere and somehow somebody will see them and say, "Hey, that's the missing teen and creepy teacher from Tennessee that everyone's looking for!" However, there's also the horrible comments that people make about how they are "just in love" and how "she's not a victim because she made the choice to go." There's also the people that say, "Well, if she wanted to come home she would have called 911 or escaped by now."

Have you been emotionally, physically, or sexually abused? Do you know anything about manipulation and grooming? Have you ever watched a fictional crime drama on TV? Do you realize this girl is FIFTEEN? Your thoughts and judgement can be influenced and clouded by others. You can be convinced of anything if the person convincing you knows what he/she is doing. You may not have access to any form of communication if someone is wanting to exploit you. You may have been convinced that nobody will believe you. There's just so much that could be going on in that poor girl's head. They are not "in love." This isn't some high school sweetheart thing.

REGARDLESS, THOUGH, SHE IS FIFTEEN!!!!! SHE IS A MINOR!!!!!! IT IS ILLEGAL!!!!!

Finally, I just need to say that I feel so very strongly about abusive people. I don't care what form the abuse takes, it is still horrible to think for even a moment that you have the right to have any sort of control whatsoever on another person. It's sick. It's one of the worst kinds of social injustice. It doesn't matter if the person is younger, the same age, or older. It just isn't okay.

I will do everything in my power to raise my daughters to be bold, self-sufficient, empowered, and have the best self-confidence. I will teach them what abuse is, and why it is not okay. I will make sure they know they are loved and that our home is judgement free and always open. They should never fear my reaction and have that as a reason why they didn't tell me something. And then I will worry every single night if I did the best I could, and I will hold my breath that they can surround themselves with good people and have good, healthy relationships. In the end, all I can do is everything I can and hope for the best. Because this can happen to anyone...I know...and that's what scares me.