A lot happened Friday night. I'd kind of been waiting for it all to explode for weeks now...I knew everyone would reach their breaking point. With my trip to the ER, what I'd been holding back finally started to come to the surface. With my letter to Rosilyn, I decided I was tired of keeping my feelings a secret like I'd been doing for months. With my behaviors over the week, my struggle...my fight with myself that I lost, Friday night was the start of the blaze.
But my intent was never to start these fires. Though I love some people very dearly, my goal has always been to keep them safe from the hell going on inside of me. Somewhere along the way, though, I became selfish: I started relying on people and asking for help to set out the raging fire of hatred inside of me. Unfortunately, instead of us getting the fire under control, they spread and started burning those who were only trying to help.
They say "If you love someone, set them free." So that's my newest plan: I'm going to set everyone free. I'm done sharing, I'm done reaching out. I'm done allowing people to know how bad things are because all it does it make them hurt. It's going to be hard to walk this road alone, but I think that's what is going to be best for everyone involved. I don't know what this road is going to look like or where it is going to lead me, but I do know that I am tired of causing heartache and stress for those that are most near to my heart.
So, my loves...I'm sorry. But know that you are being set free: I won't bother you with my burdens anymore. Enjoy!
No comments:
Post a Comment