"13 Reasons Why"

I did it: I jumped on the bandwagon and watched "13 Reasons Why." It took me over a month to get through all the episodes: I just finished the last episode this morning (I'm going to recommend you don't watch the last episode while eating breakfast...). Between the hype, the criticism, and just the sheer amounts of talking about the show that I've seen, I figured it won't be a big deal if I jump on that bandwagon as well and write a post about things.

Let's start with all of the criticism that the show has gotten because it is "romanticizing" something that is a very serious matter. I don't see anything romantic or enticing about anything that happens on the show. Yes, it gets very realistic. Yes, it makes you uncomfortable. But, no, it doesn't make any of the topics it shows (rape, bullying, suicide) look elegant or appealing at all. If you think that, then I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you've never experienced any of those things yourself. You don't get the big picture. You don't really understand. You missed the whole point of the show. The point of the show was 1) to bring a book to life, 2) to shed some light onto some topics that stay in the dark, 3) hopefully help inform people on what to look out for in teens.

People have also discussed how appropriate it would be for a teen to watch the show. Personally I have a false outlook on censorship because my parents were not ones to restrict what we watched or read. I remember reading things like "Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret" in 4th grade, "Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging," when it came out (middle school), and my mom telling me I needed to read "Go Ask Alice" in middle school as well because it would scare me away from drugs...which that totally did. It wasn't uncommon to watch an R rated movie with my parents on the weekend, either. It just wasn't a big deal. But, even with that upbringing, I think if the girls wanted to watch it in their teens, I would have the stipulation that their dad & I needed to watch it with them. I'd also watch it myself first, just to check it out...that's what any parent should do with anything they question.


Now, as far as how the show does actually portraying things...

Does the show portray an accurate dynamic of high school society? In my opinion, yes in many ways. I am impressed with how many people actually get to interact with the "popular kids" and how often Hannah ends up involved with them, but then again since most of that is to be taken advantage of or to be humiliated, seems legit. I was not a popular kid in middle school or high school: I was a band and theater nerd who took all the honors and AP classes offered. I do, however remember being used by popular people: sometimes it was a false friendship used to later embarrass me, sometimes it was bullying me to help with an assignment, sometimes it was flat out just stealing my work or copying me. I remember being so heavily guarded and not really opening up to people. I remember trying to put on a fake appearance. I remember trying to pretend things didn't bother me (or didn't happen at all). And those aspects of Hannah in the show are dead accurate.

Does the show do an accurate job with topics like abuse & rape? I think they genuinely tried to do so. I believe with both Jessica and Hannah that the feelings after are 100% great. Jessica tries to live in denial at first. Both of the girls struggle to tell anyone. That's real. Who do you tell? Who can you trust? What will they say? Won't they be mad? Won't they judge? There's too many people who would have a reaction like Mr. Porter and try to throw it into the realm of consent. The "Behind the Reasons" segment they did really hits the nail on the head of something I think we don't do correctly as a society: we don't teach what consent is. We don't tell boys (and girls) that they need to ASK if it's okay...and ask in a real way...ask when the heat of passion isn't consuming you both. But here's the deal: if one party says "NO" then it needs to end there, and that's the other part we need to teach. NO. NO. NO. No does not mean giving a response of something like, "Oh, come on! You know you want to!" or "Don't you love me?" or "You'll enjoy it...I'll show you!" or "Shhhh...just let me..." NONE OF THAT IS OKAY EVER!

Does the show make the suicide a reality? Yes. All of the thoughts that go through her head, all of the details, all the little things...that's realistic. The reaching out before, just trying to see if someone will save you...I think that's real as well. But it's hard. Did Hannah really allow herself to be saved? No. Did she do things to try (in her own way) of letting people know she was hurting? Yes. I think there's a lot in the scene with Clay & Mr. Porter that helps you understand. Hannah wasn't perfect and she had shortcomings in really trying to get help, but at the same time, nobody really took what they saw and heard seriously enough to really try to save her.

I can't imagine the pain. I couldn't watch the scene. Even with some poor choices I made in my past with similar objects, I don't know that I could have cut that deeply. I have a low tolerance for pain, though. But I think that was the point...you didn't want to watch that scene...it was too much...too painful to picture...

The show is not for the light of heart. The show is not something to watch with small children ever. The show is not going to give you giggles or warm fuzzies. Some of ways they set up shooting scenes with the camera angles and shot frames is kind of annoying. But there's so much in this short series. There's so much. So, SO much.

I'm not sure what they are going to do with a Season 2, but I also haven't read the book. So if it makes sense with the book, then okay. If not...then...why????