Megan's Summer of Self Discovery/Self Awareness, Part 6: Fertility Awareness
So here's the deal: I've set goals for my summer. I want to in better touch with myself, more aware of myself, and take care of myself. To do this, I am going to be spending a lot of time thinking and writing my way through lots of self-realizations about all the aspects that make me, well, me: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relationships, career. Tonight I'm going to talk about part of my physical self awareness regarding menstruation and cycle charting.
Obviously the biggest question I had after the miscarriage was a seemingly simple one: WHY? The doctors had no specific answer. The internet had no good answers. My most trusted friends tried to comfort me with "these things happen to lots of people." But I continued to think, ask, ponder: WHY?
Without going into too much detail, let's look at my history. Both of my previous pregnancies were healthy with almost zero complications. Both of my previous pregnancies were "one shot kills" with no ovulation tests, medical assistance, or any real effort of any sort. Both of my previous pregnancies were discovered on a similar timeline with no major changes to anything early in the pregnancy. Based on two prior events, there seems to be no logic, so again: WHY?
The answer will probably never really come (though I keep asking, searching, hoping). However, a good friend of mine who loves books (see "My Brain After 'Redeeming Love'" for another post related to books she's suggested I read) mentioned charting and fertility awareness to me and recommended I get a copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility." Another amazing friend (one of my absolute best) also charts and has been very supportive and positive about my newest endeavor.
In a nutshell (though I really suggest you get a copy of TCOYF yourself and be empowered), the Fertility Awareness Method, FAM, has you notate, or chart, three key signs your body gives you during each menstrual cycle: basal body temperature (BBT), cervical fluid/mucus (CF/CM), and cervical position. By charting these consistently, you'll be able to know approximately when you are ovulating, know when you are or are not most fertile, have a better understanding of your body and your natural rhythm, and can even use it to decide when is best to have sex to either attempt to or attempt to avoid getting pregnant. I find it all very fascinating! Science is amazing, the human body is astounding, and the combination is WOW! Also, for someone who is pretty lacking in being in tune with ones own body, this is a good way to build that connection and understanding.
This last cycle is the first one that I've charted both BBT & CF, along with some other notes of my own and intercourse. As predicted, my cycle is right around 30-32 days (even my husband knows this...yeah...) but what I really found interesting was how early in the cycle I actually ovulated, the fact that I had a long luteal phase, and that I actually had triphasic temps (this means I had another temperature spike towards the middle of my luteal phase). Here's my chart using the Kindara app:
Of course, with great responsibility comes...over-analysis and occasional anxiety! I won't go into details about that, but I'm hoping it's just first time jitters and I'll get the hang of this within a few months. I'm also anxious to see if my temps go back down fairly quickly since this morning's temp was still 98.43 but I started my period later in the day today. I'm also curious to see if there's any connections between things like my acne, headaches, etc and various parts of my cycle. See, science is neat!
At the end of the day, my main goal with this is to hopefully gain a better understanding of my body and how it works. Side benefit is that I feel like I can be an equal contributor to safe sex/contraception for us, not just relying on my husband to "put on a rubber" every time (because I don't want to go on the pill...long story...). Also side benefit, if we decide to ever try again for #3 pregnancy, I'll be better informed on how to make that happen and have more information if things go wrong.
How I'd wish I'd known about all this years ago, but alas, hindsight is 20/20 and as I started this post out, it wasn't really even a consideration I had. You don't know how the other side is until you've been there...and man was I blindsided with a rough ride.
There's still a lot of weird emotions about that, though. Because, even though the end result was not months of weight gain and hours of pushing, the start was still just one drunken night of sex...it just so happened that New Year's Eve/Day was apparently a fertile time for me? So I feel like a fraud in some ways in comparison to those whose struggle with infertility and loss is constant. There's also guilt for the devistation I felt feel over the loss of Rosilyn the miscarriage: I have two beautiful, healthy, sassy girls already...shouldn't I just be thankful for that? I'd only known I was pregnant for a couple weeks before the blood started...was it really that big of a deal?
Yes. It was. It always will be. To me.
But it won't be in vein nor will it be forgotten. And look at all the interesting things that are happening as a result...I'm learning about myself: my body, my mind, my soul. One day, one step, one temp at a time.
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