Teach, Teacher! (Summer of Self Discovery, Part 1)

Megan's Summer of Self Discovery/Self Awareness, Part 1: Career

So here's the deal: I've set goals for my summer. I want to in better touch with myself, more aware of myself, and take care of myself. To do this, I am going to be spending a lot of time thinking and writing my way through lots of self-realizations about all the aspects that make me, well, me: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relationships, career. After a wonderful lunch (and ice cream!) with one of my best friends/mentor/sanity speaker, I've decided to kick off this series with a blog about my career and how/why I do what I do.

"Why do you teach?" 

"What made you choose teaching as a career?" 

"How did you decide to become a teacher?"

Anyone in education has been asked those questions at least a few times in their career and probably questioned themselves at least a time or two. We all have those lovely textbook answers too: we all have that wonderful paper we wrote back in some education class during our college studies about our "philosophy of teaching." We are programmed to be able to answer these questions, not simply to justify what we do to our friends and family, but when we interview for jobs or when we talk with our bosses...maybe even sometimes when we talk with our parents.

But when Lindsay started playing therapist today at the lunch table today, I really stopped to think. I didn't just try to give those generic, "perfect" answers. I caught myself thinking, questioning, wondering, remembering. I didn't care about having a good answer (or even an answer that made any sense because, well, it didn't need to make sense to someone who just GETS me).

I love the excitement of the first day with instruments. It makes me jump for joy when that kid who has been struggling on trumpet for the whole semester finally has a breakthrough moment and starts matching pitch. I get goosebumps when we do a full run of a piece and everything lines up. I love watching students grow over a span of 3-5 years. I cry when I have to tell the 8th graders goodbye and I think back to how far they have come during their time with me. I feel proud when I run into a parent at the grocery store and they tell me their child is now the section leader in marching band and that they finally got up the guts to audition for midstate. It's the kids, all day everyday: I do my job because of the kids.

See, I've been having some inner turmoil that I can't quite seem to figure out the cause. (Well, let's be honest, I've been questioning my whole life since about early February...)  I've been questioning if I really picked the right career for me and if I really want to do this for 30 years. Should there really be this inner turmoil about my career? Is that a sign that I'm not in the right place? Am I even any good at my job? Am I doing anything for these kids?

"Okay, so what is it that makes you question your job? What don't you like?"

CONFLICT. I avoid it at all costs. What is the primary source of conflict in teaching? Adults. Sometimes it's coworkers. Sometimes it's parents. Sometimes it's your boss. Every once in a while it's the kids, but lets be honest: even I am not that bad that I get upset if a kid doesn't agree with me. What I do get upset about is lies, backstabbing, belittling, pressure, failure, insulting, hiding, discord, reprimand, questioning of my program, unwillingness to support, refusing to help. That all comes from adults, not kids.

But if why I teach is for and because of the kids, who cares about the adults? THIS! I just came up with this! This is how I need to prioritize myself! I need to remember it's all for the kids: it's not for me to feel big and powerful, it's not for my personal gain, it's not for anything but THE KIDS.

That's not enough though: I've got to improve my craft. I've been on this whole, "Maybe I should get a masters degree.." kick, but I think that is wrong. I don't need to worry about anther degree right now, I need to worry about getting better at what I do daily. So I'm going to set some goals/aspirations for what I specifically want to improve in my teaching/in my ensembles this year.

Goals for 2017-2018 School Year for Me as a Teacher:

1) I want to be more efficient with my time EVERY day, both rehearsal time and planning time.

2) I want to focus on tone production, overall sound, and balance/blend. I want the bands to sound better.

3) I want to focus on measuring level of mastery with skills more so than just a yes or no check of can the students do x.

4) I want to be prepared to teach and give 100% everyday. (I realize I am human and this is near impossible, but I feel like saying "4 days out of 5" is just not good.)

And with that, my friends/readers, I bid you farewell for today. Tune in soon for another part in the series. I'll let you wonder what might be next because, well, I have no idea! Teacher out.