Silver Linings (Summer of Self Discovery, Part 8)

Megan's Summer of Self Discovery/Self Awareness, Part 8: Perspective

So here's the deal: I've set goals for my summer. I want to in better touch with myself, more aware of myself, and take care of myself. To do this, I am going to be spending a lot of time thinking and writing my way through lots of self-realizations about all the aspects that make me, well, me: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relationships, career. Summer is almost over and I think I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so this post is about looking on the bright side of life.

One of the sessions I chose to attend yesterday was about dealing with teacher stress better to avoid burn out. I know, I know: how could my job ever be stressful, right? "You just wave your arms around, listen to music all day, and you get summers off!" Well, folks, the past spring semester was real tough. I'd actually venture to say it was the most stressful and difficult semester of my teaching career...it's at least tied with my first semester of teaching where I was an interim for an undetermined amount of time and left with no guidelines and a huge mess.

Anyway, back to the point. Two things really stuck with me from the session: 1) He suggested keeping a "Gratitude Journal," or at least taking time each day to think about what you are grateful; 2) There was a slide about "opportunity" and thinking of assignments/tasks not as that but as "silver opportunities." Now, he made fun of the whole phrase and kind of laughed it off, but it stuck with me for another reason. I've been on a quest all summer to try to figure some things out, and I just felt like this was another piece to the puzzle.

Sometimes we get so focused on the negative that we miss the good right in front of our faces. Now, I'm not saying to dismiss the bad, and I'm definitely not saying that everything bad thing that happens is actually a good thing. Sometimes, though, I think we get so focused on the tree that we don't see the forest; sometimes we focus too much on the details or a single moment when we should be considering all the parts of the whole.

For me, the miscarriage seemed to be a tipping point (oh goodness, she's going back to this crap again?!). It's like I'd been making this beautiful domino maze and suddenly someone came and bumped the starting domino, leaving them all to fall. But here's what I missed (at least initially): a whole lot of good dominoes got exposed in the fall. Sure, some bad stuff spilled out as well, but that's not the point of this.

So, here's some good that has come of the last 7 months:

1. My marriage was strengthened significantly. We were working on things, seeing a therapist to improve communication and try to repair some of the cracks that had become exposed, but somehow this time of sickness really helped us bond and opened lots of doors. I needed to lean on my husband more than ever during this, and he surpassed all of my expectations. It was actually one of the most beautiful moments of our marriage.
2. I have learned A LOT about my body and fertility since the fact. I have been very lucky to just be healthy and not have a lot of medical complications in my life, so I think this really shook me to the core. It opened my eyes, but it also gave me a new found interest in understanding my body and being more in touch with myself. I've read books, I've researched, I've consulted, and I've learned a lot. It's been a great learning opportunity.
3. I've figured out who my true, real friends are and who can't be trusted or who isn't really what I need to thrive. I have some absolutely amazing and beautiful people in my life, folks. Some have been around for over a decade at this point, but some I'm entirely convinced were placed in my life strategically for some of these hurdles later in life. I've learned how to ACTUALLY trust people. I've learned what real friendship should look like, and I've learned that there are people in this world that really will look past your flaws and still love you. I've laughed so much, I've been able to cry and be comforted, I've been supported more than ever. Now, in this I've also found that not everyone can be trusted, not everyone is really going to support you, and sometimes some people really aren't who they appear to be. You know what, though? That's okay! It's okay to have people on different levels. It's okay to not feel like you need to let everyone into your world. It's okay to have relationships that are surface deep, because you've got others who are going to be there for the big stuff anyway. Either way, it's all good. 
4. I have a deeper appreciation and love for my two daughters. I already loved them with all my heart, but I think your perspective changes a lot when you see just how lucky you really are. Clearly I am blessed to have them in my life, and they could have just as easily been lost as well. Deep stuff. Hug your kids tight, I know I tell mine daily how much I love them.
5. I have a new empathy, connection, and understanding that links me to so many other women. I don't think I ever realized just how common miscarriage and pregnancy loss was before this happened. It's sad, but amazing what a widespread, but hushed and secret thing this is. I am glad that I can have this understanding and that others have the same understanding and link to me.

So, when you are down or your day seems dark and cloudy, maybe try to find the silver linings? Or, if all else fails, just sing with me and your buddy Ice Cube, "Today I didn't even have to use my AK...I got to say it was a good day!"